


Never Wanted to Forget You

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Drinking while on medication, EMT Dean Winchester, Freeform, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Memory Loss, Very slight dubcon, horrible things are said, tagging that just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15723636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: It took years for Dean and Castiel to reach this point in their lives.  Happy, in love, a mortgage, talk of adopting a kid, hell maybe even a few pets too.  But one accident derails everything and Castiel's entire world is flipped on its ass.





	Never Wanted to Forget You

* * *

 

 

Castiel quickly got his car parked in the driveway, the bags of food hastily dragged over the console to get inside.  He was late, soft curses left his lips as he practically crashed through the house. Thank God, or whoever was up there that Dean wasn’t even home yet.  Probably still stuck in that awful traffic. It was date night and Castiel’s turn to get food. Usually, they went out but Dean had specifically asked if this one could be at home instead.  

 

His suit clung to him as he hurried around the kitchen, setting the burgers and mountain of chili fries onto the table.  It was Dean’s favorite from Ellen’s diner and hopefully, it would still be warm by the time his husband reached home. The word made him smile each time he said it or even heard it.  They’d only been married a year now but it had been such a wild ride from the get-go.

 

He’d just grabbed up the remote to the DVD player when he heard the garage.  Cursing again he got the opening title screen to Raiders of the Lost Ark up just as the door swung open, revealing his tired but beautiful husband, “Hey baby!” Castiel called out throwing the remote onto the counter to embrace Dean.

 

“Hey, sweetheart. Damn, it’s good to see you.” Dean squeezed tightly around Cas, feeling the familiar warmth in his chest as they held onto one another. At first, it had been weird, the way Cas hugged him. Too long for a regular bro hug and Dean hadn’t had any clue as to why the guy insisted on lingering in the touch.

 

Somehow over time, those very same hugs became his most precious, most treasured memories. They were in celebration, in comfort, in pleasure, in pain, no matter how good or bad it became between them, one hug and it all seemed to melt away.

 

“Rough day at wo-, unghh, I smell burgers.”

 

Castiel smiled proudly, counting it as a point in his favor.  He had known simply from Dean’s texts from earlier that things at the station were getting to him.  One of the main reasons why he chose Ellen’s diner in favor of him cooking.

 

“That you do, go sit down unless you wanna shower first,” Castiel said, leaning up to kiss at his stubbly cheek.

 

“Food first,” Dean groaned, reaching over to snag a few of the fries covered in melted cheese, chili, and bacon. He moaned when the flavors exploded on his tongue, surprisingly still warm, Ellen must have wrapped them in foil for him. God he loved that woman, was like a second mother to him, or a first one for that matter. Mary Winchester had been gone for most of his life, he wasn’t sure that counted.

 

“What about you, how was work?”

 

Castiel shrugged, suddenly realizing he was still in his suit, “Same boring crap different day.  Though Adler thought it would be awesome to list my flaws out to the rest of my floor team,” Castiel rolled his eyes and sat down at the table.  Food sounded too good to pass it up for a change of clothes. This way they could shower together as well. He smiled at the idea and instantly rubbed his socked foot up the inside of Dean’s calf a little once his husband sat down.

 

“He’s a douchebag, Cas. You can’t listen to a word he says...he’s just jealous that you’re about to take his job and he was twice your age before he got it.” Dean said, before biting into his delicious warm burger. When he felt Castiel’s foot on him he grinned, but snapped his legs shut and trapped him there, before scratching the underside of his sock making his husband squirm in his seat.

 

Castiel giggled, wiggling his toes to try and get his foot free.  It was no use so he stopped, taking a few fries to shove into his mouth, “I know.  He throws that in my face too, thinks he can make me cower away from it or whatever,” Castiel mumbled around his food.  He stared at Dean for a moment, chewing on his lip, “Do you think I should keep pursuing it?”

 

“Cas, it's what you want...it’s what you’ve always wanted. You hate what you do now and if you could just get there, take his job out from under his lazy ass, you could do _so much_ good. The people there, they look up to you, you want what's best for them and you’ll take it to the wall with the bigwigs, that’s what they need and they know it.” Dean said, he was talking with a little food in his mouth but Cas could still understand him which was all that was important. “Not gonna lie though, the bump in pay would go a long way to adding on like we planned.”

 

Castiel’s eyes went a little dreamy when Dean brought that up.  They’d talked extensively about their future after the first year of being just newly weds.  A bigger house, a dog...kids. He took a deep breath and nodded, “You’re right, I just have to ignore him for the next couple of weeks until the big project reveal,” he said, the nerves flaring up in his chest a bit.  Dean assured him that his ideas were sound and would awe his superiors, he just hoped it was better than whatever Zachariah could cook up.

 

“It will be fine, sweetheart. It’s still two weeks away and I know you, you’re going to obsess over every little detail until you either drive yourself crazy or it’s perfection. Either way, it’s going to be an awesome presentation and you’re going to get that job, Chuck said it was as good as yours last time I talked to him. Nobody likes dealing with Zachariah, you’re a better man in every way and you deserve it.” Dean said, wiping a bit of the food residue away from his mouth, before leaning across the table and pulling his husband in for a short kiss.

 

“I love you,” Castiel smiled, giving him another kiss before finishing off his burger, “I’m gonna jump in the shower, if you wanna join me I’ll tell ya what else I got for tonight,” Castiel smirked before hurrying off towards their bedroom.

 

“I’m only human, not made of steel,” he teased, as he cleared off the table quickly.

 

He had a husband to catch.

 

Castiel sucked off the last bit of cherry sauce from his fingers and sat back with a groan.  He was so sleepy now. Sated from head to foot and on the inside. Their romp in the shower had eased the tension in his body and Ellen’s cherry pie did the rest.  Having Dean warm and steady next to him definitely helped as well. They were finally watching the movie, dirty plates on the coffee table from their dessert.

 

“You thirsty or anything?” Castiel asked, itching to snuggle into his husband's side.

 

“Nah, I’ve got a little bit of my water left,-’ Dean cut himself off with a groan when his phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of him. He just _knew_ it was work. That dick they hired on last week never seemed to want to _actually show up_ for his shift.

 

When the missed call verified his suspicions, Dean groaned. “Sorry babe, looks like I’m headed back in...you okay for a little while?”

 

Castiel couldn’t help pouting.  Dean had been called in several times this week alone and it wasn’t fair.  He swallowed down the disappointment and the selfish thoughts, nodding his head slowly.

 

“Yeah, be safe,” he said with a sigh.

 

‘You know me, I’m indestructible,” Dean teased, pulling Cas in close before he had to leave. He wanted this moment, the warm, deep kiss and the hug that followed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

 

“I love you,” Castiel called out with a grin as Dean simply shouted, “Me too.”

* * *

 

Kevin barely resisted the urge to swear as he looked over the scans that came back. The swelling was bad, maybe even irreparable. At least without massive neurosurgery, and even then, it would be dangerous.

 

He pulled the cross necklace his mother had given him to his lips and he said a quick prayer.

 

The patient was a damn hero, he didn’t deserve to lose himself like this.

 

He hated this part of the job more than anything, but passing it off to someone else would only prove that he really hadn’t been ready or deserved the position he’d been asked to fill. Taking a long, deep breath, Kevin typed the number on the file into his phone and tried to breathe out slowly and drop his voice just a little.  

 

Castiel was just finishing folding Dean’s clothes when he could hear his cell phone go off.  Hopefully, it was his husband saying he’d be coming home soon. He ran back into the living room and scooped up his phone without looking at he caller id, “Hello?”

 

“Is this Cas-Casteel Winchester?” Kevin said, surprised by the name. It made him sound so unprofessional but what mattered now wasn’t that, but the poor man’s reaction to the news headed his way.

 

Castiel’s stomach plummeted, knees becoming weak as he sunk down on the couch, “Y-Yes, this is Castiel,” he said softly.

 

“Mr. Winchester, is there someone there, perhaps a friend or loved one with you?” Kevin asked, wincing as he did. He _hated_ that part even more, made it sound life-threatening even when it wasn’t, though this time he felt the seriousness of it as well. “Sorry, I- Look, your husband was injured while rescuing over twenty children from a school bus.”

 

An eerie silence hung on the line before Kevin forced himself to continue.

 

“He was in critical condition for a while but we were able to stabilize him,” he said, hoping the good news would be acknowledged, it wasn’t. “Unfortunately, during the explosion, he was knocked to the ground with force and hit his head.  With the swelling in his brain right now, there is a high chance that your husband’s short-term memory could be compromised, and quite possibly...the long-term ones as well.”

 

Castiel was shaking so hard he didn’t know how he was even able to hold onto his phone.  All he understood that Dean had been in an accident the rest was muffled against the pounding in his ears.  One word did stick out and he nearly threw up.

 

 _Memories_.

 

Dean...his beautiful, selfless, amazing husband could possibly have lost his memories.  He didn’t remember when he dropped the phone but his head was in his hands, fingers pulling at his hair until a more visceral pain seared through his scalp..  This couldn’t be happening, not to them. Not after everything they’d been through just to get to this point in their lives.

 

Castiel scrambled for his phone, hanging up on the doctor in the process to call Sam.  Dean’s little brother still lived in California and needed to know. The phone rang a few times but never clicked over.

 

“Dammit, Sam!” Castiel shouted, calling again and again until finally, it clicked with an annoyed voice.

 

“What?” Sam asked, half asleep still. When he checked the clock he was surprised to find it was almost half past three in the morning. Something stirred in his stomach, something _wrong_. Swallowing hard, he gets out a quick, “What-what is it?”

 

Castiel couldn’t breathe, let alone get any actual words past the high keening sobs he was letting out, “Sam?  Dean...he uh...Oh God I-I...I can’t do this…” He drew in a painful gasp, his entire world narrowed down to that horrible sentence.

 

_....husband’s short-term memory could be compromised, and quite possibly...the long-term ones as well..._

 

“He...fuck Sam, there was an accident.  You need to get here as soon as possible,” Castiel said, taking in a deep shuddering breath that only rushed back out as a sob, “Please, I can’t do this by myself,” Castiel said.

 

“I’ll be on the first flight out, just let me throw some things in a bag...how bad is it?” Sam asked, forcing himself not to let his imagination run wild. Dean _needed_ him and he wouldn’t waste what little brain power he had at on that when he could be packing and buying a plane ticket.

 

Castiel’s mouth opened and closed a few times, how the hell was he supposed to tell Dean’s kid brother that there was a chance he wouldn’t be remembered by one of the most important people in his life?  He closed his eyes and focused on trying to not throw up again, “His memories Sam,” he said softly, “The guy on the phone said his memories could be gone. All of them. I mean Dean’s beat the odds before but-” Castiel cut himself off.  It would be stupid to build up any flare of hope before he even got to see Dean for himself.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, Cas. I’ll be there soon and we’ll take care of him,” he promised, more to himself. All his life he’d counted on his big brother to take care of him, and he’d done more than anyone could have asked for, and now, when Dean needed him, Sam swore that he wouldn’t let him down.

 

“I’ll call Uncle Bobby and tell him to pick you up, you shouldn’t be driving right now, promise me you’ll wait for him, it shouldn’t take more than half an hour.”

 

Castiel nodded, not remembering that Sam couldn’t see him until Sam yelled out his name, “Yes, I promise.  B-Be safe getting here,” Castiel stammered, his entire body beginning to tremble again. That had been one of the last things he said to Dean.

 

“I’m on my way, take care of him for me and I’ll see you soon.”

 

Sam shoved the phone into his pocket completely unconcerned about what would happen to his academic career, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed, he’d do whatever he had to, to take care of Dean, then he could worry about school. He needed to see that his brother would be okay first.

* * *

 

Castiel hesitated at the truck, Bobby already a few feet ahead of him with his head hung low.  He didn’t want to go in. Didn’t want to see Dean’s body mangled with no recognition in his eyes towards any of them.  The wedding band on his finger felt heavy, weighing him down so he couldn’t move. There was something warm on his shoulder and he flinched, instantly apologizing to the old man.

 

“I’m sorry...I just...I just need a minute,” he stammered turning his back to the hospital so he could catch his breath.

 

“S’okay, son...take all the time you need,” Bobby said, his own chest tight with emotion. Dean might not have been his son in the traditional way but he’d damned near raised the boy, Sam too occasionally, though Dean was hell-bent on doing most of that himself. Those boys grew up great, they grew up so fast and as far as he was concerned Dean Winchester was a goddamn hero. And if _any_ part of that was something he’d done, well...he was proud anyway, but he liked to think he had a helping hand in the men his boys turned into.

 

Castiel squeezed at Bobby’s arm, thanking him silently.  He’d only been a part of this family for a short while but Bobby always welcomed him with open arms, Ellen as well.  Her truck was pulling up into the parking lot as well, Jo, Ash, and Benny all scrambling out. He instantly went to Ellen and hugged her.  The tight embrace helped the sinking feeling that everything was falling apart at the seams.

 

“You just get here too?” Benny asked.

 

Castiel nodded, giving the man a small hug as well.  Benny was Dean’s best friend and had been since they were children.

 

“We’re about to go in,” Castiel said softly, smiling just a little when Benny took his hand.  All of them walked slowly into the hospital, Castiel already knowing what floor Dean was on after calling the doctor back.  Thankfully the guy held no ill will towards him for being hung up on.

 

There was a young Asian man waiting for them and Castiel quickly glanced at his name tag before assuming that this was Dr. Tran, “Hello, I’m Castiel Winchester, this is Dean’s family,” he said gesturing to the others.

 

“Of course,” Kevin said, trying to swallow down his emotions. He was young, he needed to be the picture of professional, though when he’d heard the story of what his patient had done, had sacrificed, it wasn’t easy to not get attached. “He’s still stable, everything is mostly the same. He’s awake now though.  I must warn you, his memories are a haze right now. I’m hoping that’s all this will be, that he just needs to time to recover to regain them back.”

 

Kevin’s hands twisted in front of him and he took a steadying breath, “Look, I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen in the next hour or even the next few days but I can promise you that I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he gets the best care possible,” Kevin said, a small sad smile on his lips.

 

Castiel nodded slowly, Benny’s hand squeezing at his before gently letting go, “You should see him first Cas,” Benny said.  Castiel swallowed hard, his hands wringing together as he followed the doctor into the room. His husband didn’t look nearly as bad as Castiel imagined he would but then those green eyes turned towards him...with absolutely no recognition.  It made his heart sink to his toes but he fought through it, trying to smile a little, “Hello Dean.”

 

“Dean?” he said, grimacing a little at the name. It had been what the doctor said too but it felt weird. When the little Asian dude told him that was his name, it had felt wrong, he assumed that maybe the guy wasn’t that sure. But this guy, this person was claiming him and he’d called him that too. “Are you sure? I-You’re sure _that’s_ my name? I feel like maybe it’s something else...S...something. Do I have a nickname?”

 

Castiel couldn’t help it, he chuckled softly.  It was such a _Dean_ thing to say.  Of course, he would think his name was Sam.  Sam was number one and always would be. Castiel licked his dry lips and dragged his fingers through his hair, “Your name is Dean Winchester but your close friends call you Dean-o.  I uh...I call you Bug or..baby,” Castiel said blushing furiously but not able to take his eyes off Dean.

 

“Wait what?” Dean said, his head jerking back at the overly familiar way the guy had said that. It was like they were like… well, not friends or whatever. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, buddy but I think you’ve got the wrong room.”

 

Castiel flinched a bit as his eyes began to sting, he swallowed down the hard knot in his throat, “No...I have the right room Dean.  I-I’m sorry..but we’re uh…” he fumbled over his words but somehow managed to point to his ring, his eyes trailing down to where Dean’s own wedding band still sat.  

 

Dean stared at his own hand feeling as if his whole world was spinning upside down. “I-I don’t...I don't know you, I don’t remember you, and this is... _a lot_ to uhm…”

 

When he watched the sadness take over the guys’ eyes if felt as if he’d been shot in the chest.  There was a dark spike of hot anger in his stomach, ready to burn him alive from the inside out if he didn’t _do_ something but damned if he knew what. “I’m not tryin’ to be mean or anything here, but is there anyone else...here?”

 

Castiel flinched again but nodded, “Yes...everyone but your younger brother Sam is here,” he said softly, “I’ll uh…I’ll get one of-someone else,” he stammered, nearly tripping on his feet in his haste to get out of the room.  Once he was in the hall he leaned up against the wall, his breathing coming in and out harshly.

 

“Shit.  It’s okay Cas, come on breathe,” Benny said gripping the guy’s shoulders.

 

“Someone else needs to go in there…” Castiel muttered, pushing Benny’s hands off of him a little roughly.  He’d apologize later but right now he was going to do something he hadn’t done since high school and that was smoke a damn cigarette.

 

_Sam_

 

_Sam...Sammy…_

 

He was gathering information..it felt, familiar, it finally felt... _something,_ which was more than he’d gotten since waking up. The name seemed branded into his core, he’d thought for sure it was his own name he was chasing, at least until the brother part. That was familiar too, he couldn’t remember him, not really, but it just rang truer than anything else he’d heard.

 

Then immediately with that thought, panic.

 

Benny sighed heavily as he watched Castiel go.  The others silently agreed it should be Benny who went in next.  He took a moment to collect himself before stepping through the door, “Hey...I’m Benny.”

 

“Sam...where’s Sammy? Is he okay? I-I need to know he’s okay..”

 

Benny’s eyes widened as he glanced over at the Doc standing off to the side going over a chart or whatever, seemed to be just as puzzled, “Sammy’s just fine brother.  He’s flying out from California as we speak. You gave him and all of us a good scare there,” he said moving to sit down in the chair next to the bed.

 

“So you remember him?  Do you know who he is to you though?”

 

“No I don’t- I the guy, the other one, he told me...and it just, it felt real,” Dean said, almost embarrassed at the way he must have hurt the guy. He just had these big blue eyes that made Dean’s stomach swoop, it left a strange, almost wrong feeling burning in his chest.

 

“It’s the only thing that feels real.”

 

“Doesn’t surprise me.  You practically raised that damn kid all on your own until a few others stepped in to help,” Benny said, keeping names to a minimum.  They had to be reintroduced slowly or Dean could flip the hell out. And if this guy was still the Dean they all knew and loved deep down, that could be one epic as hell freak out.

 

“Sam or rather Sammy as you still like to annoy him with, is your little brother, your top priority over everything and everyone,” Benny said with a small smile.

 

“Yeah, yeah that...that seems right. I-Why is he so far away?” Dean asked confused, he felt like that was something he wouldn’t have liked. Just the mention of an airplane had him feeling a little nauseous.

 

“He’s goin to college there.  A place called Stanford. Top notch school, we were all damn proud of the kid when he got in there with a full ride.  Wants to be some fancy lawyer but to be one of the good guys. Idolizes the hell out of you,” Benny grinned.

 

“Oh, okay...why didn’t I just go with him though?” Dean asked, feeling confused until he saw the flicker of something dark on the man’s face. It wasn’t mean or bad but it wasn’t...good. He scratched at the back of his neck, that embarrassment from earlier coming back for some reason.  There was something else there too but he wasn’t exactly sure what it was...maybe guilt?

 

“Sorry, I-I think I’m making everyone uncomfortable.”

 

“Nah man, it’s just...it’s gonna be hard and take some time getting used to the fact that you don’t remember all our ugly mugs,” Benny teased, “You can ask me anythin you want, I ain’t gonna give you shit for it.  Do you really wanna know why you didn’t go with Sam?”

 

Dean’s instinct was to say yes, but something inside made him stop. He chewed nervously at his lip and sat up a little straighter in his bed. “I uh, it’s no offense to that guy...y’know the one from before...I mean I’m sure he’s great or whatever but I don’t-I’m not…am I?”

 

Benny sighed, his hands clasping over his lap. This was deja vu for a conversation from a few years back when Dean had first met Castiel.

 

“All I can say Dean is that you were.  When you first met him you had no clue what you were or weren’t.  Then you met that boy and...nothing else mattered. He became second to you after Sam,” Benny answered softly.

 

“I don’t..I don’t think I’m-, I mean...I just feel like maybe he got it wrong, y’know? No harm-no foul…” Dean said, trying hard to tamp down the erratic beat of his heart but then the monitor started going off and the little Asian dude was sticking something cold on his chest and some of the room began to fade in and out.

 

“Dean? Mr. Winchester? Can you follow the light with your eyes please..” Kevin said, flashing his penlight a little too close and still, not even a flinch.

 

“Crap,” he said, “Nurse!”

 

It took a few minutes but they did manage to stabilize Dean’s heart rate again.

 

“I think maybe we should give him a little more time to rest before we reintroduce him into anything else, okay? I’m sorry, but I think that will be enough visitation for the night...I’ll have to insist,” Kevin said, to the impressively, built man. The guy was practically a giant in comparison but he stood his ground and swallowed hard.

 

Benny was staring at Dean, his own heart in his throat.  He was definitely keeping this episode to himself, it would kill Castiel to know Dean had this kind of reaction about him.  He turned to the doc and narrowed his eyes, “I’ll let everyone know to keep their distance but you keep your damn mouth shut about this to Castiel.  When Sam gets here he will be seeing Dean. He’s probably the only one that’ll get Dean to calm down anyway without those machines,” Benny growled out.

 

Kevin tried to hold his head high and walk out like a calm, rational person, but he scrambled toward the door a lot quicker and with less coordination than he normally would. “I-have rounds to do,” he squeaked before shutting the door behind him.

* * *

 

Sam’s stomach growled as he climbed out of the cab but he ignored it, he threw his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door as quickly as he could. If not for the cloud of smoke billowing off to the side, he’d have walked right past but when he saw his brother in law in the thick of it, Sam winced.

 

“I thought you quit,” he said. Sam went for teasing, trying his best to not give off the _judging_ tone that Dean said always came out when someone mentioned smoking. Though he wasn’t sure he’d made the mark because Cas seemed to do a full body flinch. “Sorry man, it was a bad joke...I just, I haven’t seen you like this in a while...did something happen?”

 

Castiel didn’t look up, his eyes, chest, and heart hurt and he didn’t need Sam seeing him like this.  More than half of the cigarettes he’d lit up merely burned away more than coat his lungs, “He doesn’t remember...like the doctor said but it’s...I think he actually hates me Sam,” Castiel spat out, a bitter laugh following quickly after.

 

“Cas, he doesn’t hate you...no listen, _nobody_ knows Dean like I do, he could never hate you. I mean, I’d say he’s probably having a rough way coming to terms with who he really is, _again_ , but he’ll kick himself in the ass for hurting you when he remembers. He loves you more than anything, more than me, even.” Sam said, waving away some of the smoke around them before wrapping an arm around his brother in law and one of his best friends. “I know you guys think that he loves me more, and I think maybe even Dean thinks that, but it’s not true, Cas...I don’t think it’s ever been true. You are his _everything_. We just gotta remind him, okay?”

 

Castiel finally looked up at Sam and shook his head, “I really wish I could believe that right now.  You didn’t see his face Sam. Maybe he doesn’t hate me but he’s definitely disgusted with the idea of being married to me...or just to a man in general,” Castiel took one last drag and pulled himself up to his feet.  He was a mess and moping around the hospital was doing nothing, “I don’t know when he’s getting released but...I’ll go home and clean it up. You can stay there with him but I’ll...I’ll see if I can stay with Benny or something.”  

 

“Cas, you do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, but hiding from him isn't gonna make it better-”

 

“I’m not hiding!” Castiel bellowed then quickly ran a hand over his face, “I just think if he comes home and sees...everything he’ll freak out.  I’m trying to make this easier on him and it’s obvious I’m not the one who’s going to be able to help him. Ask Benny if you don’t believe me, just keep me updated okay?” Castiel said.

 

“Alright, alright..whatever you need to do,” Sam said, holding his hands up in surrender. He offered a small, but sincere smile as well. “Cas just- nevermind, I’ll go knock some sense into my brother and I’m sure you guys will be back to normal in no time.”

 

Castiel bit back his remark, instead going in for a hug.  Sam pulled him in tightly and Castiel sighed. He had to keep reminding himself that he wasn’t alone in this and the most important thing was to make sure Dean was okay.  He held on for a little longer than he should but he felt better when they did let go.

 

Sam watched Castiel disappear around the corner and took in a deep breath.  The hospital had the usual medicinal smell that everyone hated and instantly the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.  He hated hospitals. His family were still in the hall, some pacing, the rest sitting in the chairs quietly looking at their phones or talking.  Hugs went all around but Sam didn’t linger long, the need to see his brother itched under his skin something awful. He pushed open the door and forced a smile on his face when he saw his older brother.

 

“Hey Dean,” he said with a little wave.

 

Dean had been feeling hateful and grouchy all day, there was something raw and empty inside him that made everything feel like a thousand times worse. Then he looked up and saw this giant ducking into the room and it settled. “Sam...Sammy? Holy shit kid... You’re like huge... You’re...fuck,” he said, there had been a small flood of memories after his nap but nothing like what washed over him when he saw Sam’s face. There were still dark patches, massively long patches of memories, nothing recent but there were flashes of Sam growing up and the shit that they’d gone through.

 

“Get over here,” he said, half tempted to just crawl out from under the thin cover instead, but that would leave his ass flapping in the wind and Dean was _not_ going to have that.

 

Sam quickly closed the distance between them and hugged his brother.  All the fear that he’d been pushing down suddenly rose up and he felt a few tears fall down his cheeks, “You scared the shit out of me,” he whispered.

 

“Sorry, I-I don’t remember much about what happened but Doogie Howser seems to think I’m some kind of hero so can’t be all bad, right? I mean I’m sure the chicks are gonna dig it,” Dean said with a wide grin before remembering what everyone had been telling him. When Sam pulled away there was an angry look on his face and instantly, he needed to apologize. “Sorry I didn’t- I didn’t mean that… I know I’m not, y’know, stra-I’m not into chicks anymore or something.”

 

Sam frowned, pulling away enough to sit down in the chair, “Dean...it’s okay man.  You don’t gotta apologize, it’s not your fault. But yeah, you are some kind of hero.  Saving over twenty kids on a school bus definitely qualifies you for that,” Sam smiled squeezing Dean’s wrist.

 

Dean brushed off the hero stuff, he had just used it as a joke really, he didn’t think it was all Kevin made it out to be, but there was something itching inside him, something he needed to hear from Sam. “Look, I know...I’m not trying to be a dick or anything but I just need you to tell me, I-what happened to me? What made me ‘y’know, umm.. _different_.”

 

Sam furrowed his brows, “What do you mean made you different?” he asked.

 

“I mean, I’m friggin _married_ , Sam... _to a dude._ What the hell?” Dean said, rubbing the raw place on his finger where they’d taken off his ring for the scan on his brain. Kevin said they’d put it somewhere safe but there was an itch there on his finger and he couldn’t help but think it wouldn’t be itching so bad if something was there to stop it.

 

Sam opened his mouth to say the first thing that came to his mind but stopped himself, “Look, I know this is all big and scary and you not knowing us is going to take a while to get adjusted to but if you believe anyone, let it be me.  Even when you had your memories you never could admit to yourself that you weren’t exactly straight as an arrow. Not until Cas came around. I think you fell in love with him the moment you saw him. It scared you and you fought it tooth and nail but ultimately, you gave in and finally admitted it to yourself.  Cas stayed by your side through it all. At first as just your friend and then a couple years down the road, you practically begged the guy to marry your sorry ass. Your words, not mine,” Sam said with a little laugh.

 

“Oh man,” Dean said, honestly finding it a little funny too, or maybe that was just what happened when Sam laughed, it was contagious. “I’m surprised Dad didn’t kill me.”

 

Sam flinched hard, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, “Dean uh, dad passed away.  Back when you were seventeen,” he said softly.

 

“Oh,” he said, feeling a whole new rush of emotion. He’d remembered his dad but he was gone, he was starting to feel like this damn thing was a sick kind of hell. “Oh so he uh, he didn’t know then...that I’m, that I married a dude...probably wouldn’t like it much though, would he…”

 

“I don’t know man.  Probably not though, knowing how he was.  Then again, Castiel seems to know how to make everyone kinda fall in love with him so Dad may have liked him in the end,” Sam laughed.

 

Part of Dean hoped that Sammy was right even though he knew, deep down, that John would have hated him, hated what he was. Dean couldn’t hardly believe it himself but Sammy wouldn’t lie to him, not like this at least. “Yeah, maybe...I think I’m gonna take a nap, I’ll uh, I’ll see you around, Sammy.”

 

“I’ll just be outside okay?  Call out if you need anything,” Sam said, raising up to squeeze his brother on the shoulder before leaving the room.

 

 _Dean Winchester...gay_.

 

What the hell had happened to him?

* * *

 

Dean was finally breaking free of this hell hole.  The doc said he could actually go home this afternoon.  It’d only taken a few weeks to get cleared and healed up.  Even s me of his memories came back, the swelling was still there but Dean promised he’d have someone bring him in if he felt any weirdness in his head or face.

 

Hell, he’d have promised his first born if it meant getting the hell out of there. He _hated_ being cooped up.

 

“Alright, Sammy… take me home,” Dean said, wheeling around in a circle before making his way toward the elevator.  

 

Sam laughed, shaking his head some.  He didn't bother offering to push Dean in his wheelchair, his stubborn personality was back with a vengeance.  Sam would never admit it out loud how much he actually missed that. They got to the entrance in no time, the sleek black car sitting outside waiting for them bringing a smile to his face.  He stood back a bit waiting to see Dean’s response.

 

“No way,” Dean said, pulling himself out of the chair a little too quickly, but it was _the Impala_. “Oh, I have missed you…haven’t seen you in forever, baby.” Dean felt more excitement in his stomach than he can remember having. “You look cherry too, somebody’s been taking care of you, sweetheart.”

 

“Where did you find her?”

 

Sam smirked, “In your garage man.  She’s yours and that someone taking care of her?  That’d be you,” he laughed. He really wanted to let Dean drive but that was one thing the doctor had been against.

 

“Holy shit, she’s mine?” Dean asked, his eyes going wide. “Dad-” then he cut off his sentence and swallowed hard. “He gave her to me…”

 

The memory came back at him like an unexpected lashing across the ass.

 

Dad was dead.

 

Dad gave him baby.

 

Dad didn’t know he was... _different._

 

There was a small voice in the back of his head that sounded awfully familiar.

 

_Damn right, I didn’t or I wouldn’t have given you the damn thing in the first place._

 

Sam knew that look.  It was one that always made Sam’s heart clench.  He reached over and squeezed at Dean’s wrist, “Hey, don’t let him get inside your head too much Dean,” he said softly.

 

He slapped on a wide grin and forced himself to stow his shit. Sammy was already worried enough, he didn’t need to make it worse. “Nah, man. I’m good... Let’s just get me home.”

 

There was an unsettled ache in his chest that Dean told himself was related to his father and finding out the man was dead, but it was only getting worse and he was dealing okay with losing the old man, considering. No, it was something else and it wasn’t going away, he hoped that maybe when he got home it would ease up a bit.

 

Unfortunately, it only made it more visceral, more painful.

 

He stepped inside and it wasn’t just a lack of recognition, but he could tell things were missing. Not only in his mind but the small outlines of photo frames that were gone, barely even half a shelf of movies, and Dean _loved_ movies.

 

“Where’s he at? Shouldn’t he be here?” Dean asked before he’d even given himself time to think out what he was saying.

 

Sam sighed, looking around the room as well.  He knew Castiel was planning on doing it, just never thought he’d actually go through with it.  Sam rubbed the back of his neck, dropping the bag of stuff Dean accumulated at the hospital on the couch, “He uh...I think he said Benny was letting him stay at his house,” Sam answered.

 

“Why don’t you ring him up and tell him that I might be struggling with some memory loss here, but I’m not a _fucking idiot_ ,” Dean said, feeling an inexplicable anger growing in his stomach. “You know what, nevermind, I’ll do it myself.”

 

“Dude!” Sam bellowed, taking two strides to get back at Dean and snatched the phone away just as he heard it click over, “You know what, since you’re being an ass I’ll just tell you this straight up, he thinks you hate him!” Sam shouted.

 

‘What?” Dean says, that made absolutely no sense. Guy shows up all sweet and soft and says they’re fucking married or something and then just up and fucking leaves him. “If I hate him why are we married? I’m not one to stick around for no reason…”

 

It took him a minute to realize what he was saying but he guessed, somehow, whatever had happened between them, he really did care about the guy or whatever, cause truer words had never been spoken. Dean wouldn’t have left Sammy for anything short of a goddamn miracle and he didn’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure out what kept him in Sioux Falls while Sam moved to the west coast.

 

“I swear...Dean, I’m talking about right now.  Not before the accident. He thinks you hate him or is disgusted by him because he’s a guy.  So instead of you coming home to him and being bombarded with a life you don’t remember with him, he took it all away so you could come home and be comfortable.”

 

“Do I _look_ comfortable, Sam?” Dean said, feeling more angry by the minute. Why he couldn’t say, but everything felt wrong and that empty ache was only growing heavier with every breath.

 

Before Sam could stop him, Dean pulled his phone out and clicked on the first number.

 

Castiel stared at Dean’s name on the screen for a couple of rings before closing his eyes and answering it, “Hello?”

 

“Never thought I’d marry a coward,” he said, looking around at all the empty spaces of his life, bringing the feeling inside him even closer to the surface. “I mean I get not wanting to be married to an amnesiac or whatever but fuck, man...you didn’t have to move out.”

 

“I-” Castiel swallowed hard.  The ache of hearing Dean’s voice hit hard in his chest.  God he missed him so much, staying away from the hospital had been torture, “I didn’t know what to do.  It was obvious you didn’t want to talk to me...and you never once asked for me to come back to the hospital...I’m sorry,” Castiel sighed.  

 

“You could have asked, man...you could have at least given me a heads up… I had my hands full trying not to lose my shit, sorry I didn’t call you enough or whatever,” Dean said, feeling a lot like a damn toddler, a scolded one at that, which didn’t do a lot to improve his already bad attitude.

 

“Are you coming home or not?”

 

Castiel wanted to point out that Dean hadn’t called him or asked about him, at least that’s what the others who visited Dean said anyway.  So he’d stayed away, trying to give the man some space. He gritted his teeth through it and took a deep breath, “Do you _want_ me to come home?” he asked.

 

Part of him wanted to beg if that’s what it took but instead, he bit that down. “Just do whatever the hell you wanna do man, I-I don’t know. Don’t _inconvenience_ yourself for me. I’ll be fine.”

Dean hung up and threw his phone down on the couch before he headed into the kitchen.

 

“God, why are you being such a dick to him? You’re going to hate yourself for this when you get your memories back,” Sam said as he shook his head with a disapproving look, “You’ll hate whatever this pent-up, homophobic version of yourself for hurting him.”

 

“That’s not it,” Dean said, flinching a bit at the h word.

 

“Really? You can’t bullshit me, Dean. I remember the first time around and it wasn’t pretty either,” Sam grabbed the last three beers from the fridge before he could get one. “Honestly, I hope he doesn’t come back while you’re like this, Cas deserves better...I’ll be in the guest room if you need me.”

 

“Whatever, bitch.”

 

Only silence greeted him at the foot of the stairs.

* * *

 

Castiel felt sick to his stomach.  He wanted to go inside and be with his husband but this version of Dean wasn’t him.  And it wasn’t fair of Castiel to expect that. He hadn’t moved out to get away or for selfish reasons, it was really to make sure Dean was comfortable and felt safe within his own home.  Benny had tried to talk him out of going back but Castiel didn’t want to give up, no matter how badly Dean was treating him. Clutched in his hands were two of their photo albums, maybe he could start Dean off slow…

 

“ _You’re only setting yourself up for heartache darlin,’”_ Benny had said before he left.  Castiel felt so alone, even if these people were considered his family now...he knew they’d choose Dean over him.  Castiel glanced down at his shoes and tried to even out his breathing. Today was not a good day from the start. Hearing that Adler got the promotion over him had knocked what little strength he had right out of him.  

 

Somehow though he managed to walk up the steps to their house and almost knocked.  It took a few seconds before he finally just opened the door, calling out a tentative hello as he stepped inside.

 

“Hey,” Dean said, awkwardly pushing himself in to kiss at Castiel’s cheek. He looked behind him, “Need me to go get the rest of your stuff?”

 

Castiel blinked up at him, not expecting the kiss whatsoever, “I uh...I only brought these for now.  I thought...maybe we could go through them and if you still want me to stay, Benny said he’d bring my stuff over later,” Castiel said softly.

 

“Sure, that sounds good,” Dean had calmed down a little, though there was a low swooping anxiety building in his stomach. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen later but they were a married couple...they probably had sex. Would Cas expect sex? Which one would...Dean went a little pale at that thought, it had been on a nonstop loop since he realized he’d be going home to a husband.

 

“I made food if you’re hungry..”

 

Castiel smiled for the first time in the past week and nodded, following Dean into the kitchen.  It smelled good even though Castiel didn’t recognize it. He placed the albums on the table and went to stand near the stove, “What did you make?”

 

“Mom’s tomato soup recipe, I think maybe this memory loss has a couple upsides or at least things that don’t totally suck,” Dean said, nervously rubbing at the back of his neck as he stirred the pot a little with a wooden spoon. “It’s been years since I made this but I remember it now, like I’m seventeen all over again...well um, in some ways.”

 

Castiel laughed a little, “It makes sense.  I’m glad at least some of your memories have come back, maybe with time the rest will come too,” he said biting his lip as he accepted the bowl Dean was handing him.  He’d heard about the infamous Mary Winchester’s soup but never had the pleasure of trying it. He brought it over to the table after grabbing two spoons.

 

‘Yeah, maybe. Doc says that’s best case scenario though, probably shouldn’t get our hopes up…” he said, “Nothin’ really works out like that for me, y’know?”

 

It was in that moment of silence that followed that Dean realized he was being a downer, “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m just saying I don't have the best of luck.”

 

“It’s alright, I haven’t either, to be honest.  Especially this week,” Castiel sighed, the weight of it all crashing down on him at that moment.  He was exhausted, he wasn’t sure when he got more than two hours of sleep since the accident. Shaking himself a bit he sat up a little and took a bite of the soup, “This is very good,” he sighed happily, “I’m glad they finally released you from the hospital.”

 

“Me too felt like a prisoner there, I don’t like being stuck anywhere,” Dean said, earning a chuckle from his hus-from his Cas. That’s the only way he’s going to get through tonight, just take it slow, mentally at least.

 

Castiel laughed, a little blush settling on his cheeks, “I know.  There was...it was in the very beginning of, you know _us_ and you wanted to go all out be romantic,” he said smiling softly, “We had everything we needed except the knowledge we were going to have a snow storm.  The morning after you were pent up and pacing, I almost threw the shovel at your head but you attacked that wall of snow until you could get out. You had said it was mainly so you could check on Baby but I knew the truth,” he grinned taking another bite of his soup.

 

Dean smiled, “Sounds like me,” he said, though he wasn’t really sure it did. It felt right though, so that was something. It was more than he’d gotten from most of the stories he’d been told that were post high school.

 

Hell, he wasn’t even sure he graduated.

 

Cas seemed like a pretty smart guy, he wouldn’t be with a high school dropout, would he?

 

They’d finished eating, well mostly, before Dean gathered his courage. He still felt a little shaky, but there was something else building there, something foreign but nice, and warm. “So, we gonna go upstairs or..? We can just do whatever we normally do, is that okay?”

 

Castiel blinked a few times before Dean’s words finally registered in his head, “Dean...just so we’re clear are you talking about sex?” Castiel asked.

 

“Y-yeah, I mean.. That’s, we’re married, I um..I’m an okay husband, right? I mean I take care of you don’t I?” Dean asked, his ears burning with embarrassment. He wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing but he wanted to, no needed to prove _something_ to himself, though he didn’t know what exactly.

 

Castiel swallowed down his heart and reached out for Dean’s hand, trying to not take it personally when his husband flinched, “You were a perfect husband Dean.  You always took care of me,” he said softly as his hand fell back to his side, “And as much as I would love to go upstairs and...I don’t think we should. It wouldn’t feel right, you barely even know me right now,” Castiel huffed out a humorless laugh that ended up with a hiccuped sob, “I-I’m sorry um, I think we should just sit and talk...or something.  Maybe go through the pictures maybe?” he said quickly, brushing off the new wave of tears.

 

“Hey,” Dean said, instinct taking over more than anything else as he pulled Cas in against his chest. “It’ll be okay, I’ll..I’ll get better and I’ll remember and I’m not scared, we can...we can do it however you like, whenever you’re ready.”

 

Castiel clung onto Dean, the scent of him was different but underneath it all there was his husband.  Being away from him and not waking up to have those arms around him was slowly killing him. Dean let him stay there for a lot longer than Castiel expected but somehow he managed to pull himself away, “Thank you,” he said thickly, turning to grab up the books and this time when he took Dean’s hand, there was no flinching.

 

“If you um...have any questions for me about any of...you know _that_ you can ask me,” he said sitting down cross-legged on the couch.

 

“Nah, that’s okay...let’s just, let’s look at the pictures,” Dean wouldn’t admit it to himself but he wondered what would happen if they were to ever be together again. He wouldn’t ever voice that aloud because somehow he knew it would just get him a lecture about toxic masculinity from Sammy but he was still a little worried.

 

“We can talk about that whenever, tell me about how we met.”

 

Castiel smiled brightly, he loved this story, especially when Dean told it.  

 

“Well I had just moved here and there was this parade going on that I found myself at.  I didn't know anyone but it was fun to be around everyone with all the loud music and streamers and whatever.  I don’t remember how it happened but someone either shoved me or bumped into me but I tripped onto the road right before a whole swarm of motorcycle cops were about to pass.  I froze up but the next thing I knew someone was helping me up and carrying me off to the side. That was you,” Castiel smiled and flipped to a page where Jo had actually gotten a few pictures of the moment.  The way Dean was looking at him in the photo made his chest squeeze but he swallowed it down.

 

“Huh, maybe this hero thing isn’t a fluke, huh?” Dean teased, somehow part of him wanted to be proud of that, wanted to puff his chest out and say look at how awesome I am. He thought to himself for a minute and before he could pay attention to what he was saying, the words were out of his mouth. “I guess guys dig it too.”

 

Castiel laughed, “Yes, yes they do.  And the hero thing is definitely not a fluke.  Sometimes you’re even humble about it,” Castiel teased, flipping a few more pages to several newspaper clippings of Dean’s heroism.  One of which, Dean had even brought Castiel onto the stage with him to accept his medal. That one had been particularly hard because not only did Dean blow out his knee in the process but he hadn’t managed to save everyone.  Castiel ran his fingers over that image, the tears clear as day on Dean’s cheeks as the mayor squeezed his shoulders.

 

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing someone else wouldn’t have done…” he said, starting to feel mildly uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure what had happened to him but one thing Dean knew for sure was that he wasn’t the hero type, not really. He did some things that weren’t terrible sometimes, but he wasn’t anything special.

 

“What uh, what kind of um, I probably wasn’t an easy guy to fall for, not with all my issues at least. Sorry about that,” he winced. “Tell me the bad stuff, when I was a jerk or whatever...I feel like I need a reality check here,” he said, an awkward laugh escaping him.

 

“I wish you had been hard to fall for but the moment you saved me from getting run over I was a goner.  Even though you had some serious issues,” Castiel teased. He sat back on the couch and sighed, “It wasn’t easy in the beginning.  You had a lot of denial about who and what you were. Your father’s voice was constantly in your head and there were some...cruel words exchanged once,” he said keeping his eyes glued to his fingers.  Neither of them liked to think about that time but Dean had asked.

 

“People had asked me why I stayed and put up with it for so long.  The only answer I could give them was that I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.  If it was meant to be then it would happen,” he said with a shrug.

 

“Sorry, I think maybe-I’m not doing it on purpose or anything but I think maybe that’s what’s going on with me now, I just… I need to come to terms with everything again,” Dean said, feeling a little of the weight on his chest lighten. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask but do you think you could give me that time again, or at least until I get my memory back.”

 

Castiel nodded, “Of course Dean.  And what’s not fair is what happened to you.  I know it’s going to be a long and bumpy road but I want you to remember this at least, I’m here for you.  Whatever you need,” he said hesitating for a second before squeezing at Dean’s hand.

 

“You’re kidding me, right? You lose your husband, the guy you loved or whatever and in his place you get some angst-filled asshole with the mind and memory of a seventeen-year-old and you’re only worried about me?”

 

Dean shook his head and laughed, “Dude, come on, you’ve got it worse. I don’t even remember what I’m miss-” before the laughter was cut off quickly. “Sorry.”

 

Castiel looked away quickly, his eyes filling with tears again, “I made a vow to you when you gave me this,” he said twisting the ring on his finger, “Unless you realize that..you don’t actually want me or-” Castiel swallowed hard and blew out a shaky breath, “I’m going to keep that vow, no matter how hard it is or will get.”

 

‘“Yeah, uh thanks,” Dean said, swallowing around the thick lump squeezing in his throat. “Tell me something new.”

 

Castiel nodded, flipping to a new page, “This was our first date…”

 

* * *

 

Castiel parked his car in the driveway and sighed, his head was pounding.  Almost on the verge of exploding. Ever since he lost that promotion, Adler’s been up his ass making his life at work a living hell.  And he had no one to blame but himself. His project was done, all he had to do was stand up there and fucking present it. That didn’t happen.  Chuck had been so disappointed in him and who can fault him for that? Now Castiel was seriously thinking of finding a new job or quitting altogether.  

 

“Dammit,” Castiel spat, throwing himself out of the car to head into the house.  The last month living with Dean was like it had been at the beginning of their relationship.  Constantly walking on eggshells when he was in a bad mood, helping lift his spirits when he was sad...Castiel didn’t mind it.  Today though, today he just wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep.

 

He hung up his trench coat by the door and almost called out for him but stopped himself.  There was movement on the couch and when he looked over he caught Dean sitting on the floor, staring down at the three other photo albums Castiel had brought home.

 

“Hey,” Castiel said softly, not wanting to spook him.

 

Dean grunted in acknowledgment, not even looking up from the book. It seemed a whole lifetime was slipped between the pages but he couldn’t remember one damn piece of it. Everything felt as if it was just far enough away that no matter how hard he ran, how fast, how long, he would never catch up.

 

The photo albums had been a blessing and a curse, Dean loved hearing stories about it all, hoped that maybe, just maybe he’d finally remember _something_ , but then he realized the guy in the pictures just felt like a stranger, like something that was never him, never could be. Like some sort of fantasy Cas had built up in his mind, Dean wasn’t _that_ guy.

 

Castiel sighed a little and bit his lip, “You uh...you hungry?  I was gonna make something simple for an early dinner,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“I can do it, sorry… I lost track of time,” Dean said, pushing the album back onto the shelf over his head. Most of Castiel’s things were back in the house but he still...he didn’t seem comfortable and Dean couldn’t really blame the guy. “How about sliders? I make a mean slider with-, oh you probably know that...sorry.”

 

Castiel smiled softly, “I’d love that.  I’m going to go change real quick,” he said reaching over to squeeze at Dean’s arm before heading to the back of the house.  Ever since he moved back in he’d been sleeping in the guest room. Sleeping in the same bed seemed to be a bit too much and Castiel quickly agreed.  The room was small, only big enough to fit a queen size bed and a dresser but it worked. It wasn’t his bedroom of course but Castiel pushed down those particularly hard feelings and focused on what could actually help him at the moment.  He changed into his bee themed PJ bottoms and Dean’s old college hoodie. Not even bothering with his hair he stepped back out and made his way into the kitchen where Dean was already cooking up the hamburger meat.

 

“Smells good in here,” he said going straight to the fridge for a beer.

 

“Thanks, I thought-” Dean turned and his breath hitched in his throat. He quickly turned back away, fighting off the flushed feeling in his face. It happened more often than not now, he could glance at Cas and just feel like he was knocked on his ass. Dean cleared his throat, “I-uh, thanks.”

 

Castiel turned just in time to see Dean flushing, his hands fumbling a bit with the spatula.  It made Castiel blush and smile. He moved a bit closer, his hand touching the small of Dean’s back like an automatic response to being near him and set down a beer on the counter for him, “You thought what?” he asked, quickly removing his hand so he could open his own beer.

 

“Uh, I um-” Dean sputtered, having completely forgotten his train of thought when he’d saw Cas looking so damn perfect and adorable, like a raw livewire in his gut. “Not sure, what I thought, was probably stupid anyway.”

 

Castiel merely shrugged, “Okay,” he said.  He watched Dean cook for a few minutes and then moved to open the back door, letting the cool air from outside sift in through the screen.  It was beautiful outside and he took in a deep breath, his spirits lifting the longer he stood there and got a mix of early spring rolling in and Dean’s burgers.

 

Dean focused on the food as much as he could but something felt like an invisible tether drawing him closer to Cas. Not just now, but it seemed like it had always been that way. Dean couldn’t work, not yet at least, so he had a lot of time to sit around and think about shit. It was really doing hell on his brain. All the stories he’d heard about himself in the last few years at least, felt weird, felt wrong. He remembered most of his childhood now, a good portion of his early twenties but there was a giant fucking blind spot where Cas was concerned and if Dean didn’t know better it seemed like he became a completely different person after that.

 

The silence wasn’t as uncomfortable as it had been in the past but it wasn’t exactly easy either.

 

Eventually, the meat was finished and Dean moved it onto a tray lined with paper towels to drain off some of the grease, he wasn’t sure why but he did. Then proceeded to pat down the top of it, absorbing more of the fat. He grabbed the buns from the bread cabinet and sliced them in half before filling the inside with everything under the sun but pickles only on half.

 

It was then that he realized he was doing things that he didn’t understand, didn’t know why he was doing it but it felt just as necessary as breathing. “You don’t like pickles,” he said, barely louder than a whisper.

 

“Hmm?” Castiel hummed walking back over to the counter.  Dean was staring hard at the burgers and when Castiel looked as well, it hit him hard in the chest, “You...you actually remembered,” he said softly biting hard on his lip.  He wanted so badly to hug Dean, instead, he hugged his arms around himself and gave Dean a bright smile.

 

“That’s awesome-”

 

“That’s the thing though, I _didn’t_ remember…” Dean said, his knees trembled a little, giving him a weak feeling in his legs. “It’s like-I do this all the time, I just _do_ things for no reason and then I realize that it’s not for no reason, it’s muscle memory or something. Like I make burgers but I don’t put pickles on half. When I get out of the shower, I don’t leave my towel on the floor but I put it in the hamper instead. When I washed baby I made sure to take her out of the garage first.”

 

“And when I-” Dean swallowed. “I look at you sometimes and I can’t breathe.”

 

Castiel swallowed hard, “Is...is that a good or bad thing?” he asked not able to look away from his hands.  He wasn’t sure he could handle it if Dean said it was bad. Hell, it might be the point where he breaks…

 

Dean couldn’t respond, not for a few breaths...he didn’t want to screw everything up when it started to feel like they were finally making some kind of progress toward normal, or at least as close as he could get without his memory. “I don’t know.”

 

Before he let Cas say anything else, an apology flew out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m not-I know I’m not the guy you fell in love with. I must be such a disappointment for you, I hear stories about my past with you and it just feels so foreign and so _not_ _me_ that I don’t know what to do with that. I don't know how to be better, not even for you.”

 

“Dean-” Castiel swallowed hard, fingers rubbing into his eyes a little before he raised his face to look him in the eyes, “There is no version of you that could ever be a disappointment.  You hear me? And anyone who says or tells you different, well, they’ll just have to deal with me then,” Castiel said with a shrug. Everything on the inside, however, felt like it was tearing apart at the seams.  He needed to accept the fact that his husband may never come back to him. Which meant Castiel had to try and make this new version fall in love with him again. Hesitantly he took Dean’s hand in his own, sighing when the other man didn’t pull away or even flinch.

 

“We’ll figure this out okay?  Together.”

 

Dean nodded though he still felt a little off balance. Squeezing, he let out a deep breath. “Yeah, together.”

* * *

 

The kisses started not long after that, short and sweet at first but Dean pushed himself to try harder. Cas was a great guy and he deserved all the things he was used to before the accident. It wasn’t like any of it was exactly, off-putting.  Dean loved things that felt good and Cas felt amazing, he was warm and with hard lines of muscle instead of soft curves. It was a change but not the worst thing Dean had ever had to get used to.

 

Indiana Jones was on in the background, but Dean hadn’t seen more than a couple minutes since the opening credits. It was just an excuse, for both Cas and himself. When he pulled back, breathless, he grinned up, staring into those ridiculous blue eyes. “So tell me what it’s like...when we fuck. How does it feel?”

 

Castiel blushed a little, his tongue running over his swollen bottom lip, “Well, we had a very healthy sex life.  Sometimes it was soft and gentle others we’d get noise complaints,” Castiel grinned dragging his fingers through Dean’s hair.  Seemed like somethings stayed the same. Dean’s eyes closed at the scratching against his scalp and Castiel couldn’t help wiggling closer.  It had started innocently enough, snuggling on the couch while the movie began to play but Castiel had found himself being pulled into Dean’s lap only moments later.  

 

“Well that sounds like me at least,” Dean said with a cocky grin.

 

Castiel pecked at his lips before pulling away just a little, “But to answer the question I know you’re really asking, I’ve always been the bottom,” he said a little cheekily.  

 

“That uh, that means you’re the one that uh, um..” Dean wasn’t quite sure how to say it without being offensive and the last thing he wanted to do right then was ruin the mood.

 

Castiel laughed, “The one that gets a dick in my ass?  Yes, that would be me,” he snorted, “I think you tried it once and hated it.  I love it so it worked out perfect for us,” he said.

 

“I did?” Dean asked, feeling a bit queasy but at least he knew now, he knew that it wasn’t him that was, well the bottom he guessed. “How long has it been...since we?”

 

“Yeah you did but I wasn’t here for it.  You stupidly tried it on yourself to see why I loved it so much,” Castiel rolled his eyes and sat back a little, his hands still smoothing down Dean’s chest, “And the last time we were together was the morning of the accident.  I had been feeling really self-conscious about a promotion at work and you wanted to help clear my head before I left,” Castiel smiled shyly, remembering in full detail of that morning in the shower.

 

“Right,” Dean said, though he still wasn’t quite sure how long that had been. At first, the days were a bit of a blur, doc said that was mostly due to the swelling but the accident had happened nearly three months ago, almost four.

 

Burying down those insecurities, Dean looked up at him with a smug grin, “So you must be pretty hard up for it then, huh?”

 

Castiel threw back his head and laughed, “Oh my god, wow,” he snorted playfully smacking Dean’s chest, “Well if you _must_ know I hadn’t really been thinking about it until lately,” he said with a challenging look.  Just as Dean’s lips parted with a retort Castiel rolled his hips in the way that had the pre-accident Dean cursing under his breath.

 

“Fuck,” Dean hissed, whatever Cas was doing felt amazing and even though there was another dick in the equation his mind was a little too focused on the _hell yes_ he was feeling from the friction against his own.

 

“Ssh-it, I know I joke all the time about still being seventeen in my head but this is, fuck I’m not gonna last-ungh,” Dean groaned, feeling the spikes of pleasure dig further into his core pushing his orgasm closer to the surface.

 

Castiel leaned in, kissing Dean deeply for a minute before trailing his lips to his neck.  There was a spot that usually could draw out the most enticing sounds out of Dean. He licked along the vein starting from his shoulder and nipped right behind his earlobe, “Don’t hold back,” he groaned in his ear.

 

“Ah-hhfuck-C-cas, ah,” he said, and then like something out of his young nightmares, Dean knew he was going to lose it, wouldn’t even have time to get his pants undone. He spasmed a few times as the heat was drawn out of him almost painfully quick. They hadn’t been fooling around but for a few minutes and already he’d-well embarrassed himself more than anything.

 

Castiel slowed his hips down and kissed all around Dean’s throat, chin and then lips, “Mmm, feel good?” he asked with a warm chuckle.  Dean was slumped back against the couch breathing heavily. It was definitely something he’d keep burned in his mind.

 

Dean barely had the mind left to breathe, let alone think but there was something like a panicked fear that filled him up until he was reaching out and rubbing at the bulge in Cas’ pants to return the favor. What kind of asshole would just leave someone like that?  Not Dean...not even if it was... _different_.

 

Castiel threw his head back with a moan, fingers gripping at Dean’s shoulders as he ground down against Dean’s hand.  It had been too long since the time he’d been with Dean last and didn’t last much longer.

 

“Dean!” he cried out, spilling into his pants, his head falling to rest against Dean’s shoulder.

 

He felt the small spasms of Cas’ hips like it was a two-ton weight instead of a hundred and eighty soaking wet. There was something, something bad rising up in him but Dean fought it off, just a little longer. He wouldn’t-couldn’t show the weakness, not now.

 

Castiel nuzzled against Dean’s neck a bit, something calm and soothing settling over his frayed nerves.  Maybe things were going to be okay between them now. He smiled and pulled away to kiss at Dean’s lips, “I’m gonna get some clean clothes, I’ll be right back,” he said and rose up from the couch.

 

“Sure,” Dean said, though it was more compulsory than anything else. Almost as soon as Castiel was gone, the weight lifted and his legs were moving. He got in the car and drove, his jeans getting more uncomfortable by the minute. Eventually, he stopped at a gas station on the edge of town and pulled out the duffle he somehow expected to be packed away in baby’s trunk and cleaned himself up in the small bathroom.

 

There was an itch under his skin for a drink, even though the doc advised against it. The next thing he knew he was ordering three shots of whiskey and tossing them back a little too quickly.

 

“Whoa, there cowboy, rough day?” Lydia asked sitting down next to the handsome man who had plunked himself down on a stool.  

 

“You could say that,” he said, mostly ignoring her until she rubbed her breasts against his arm and Dean was...well, he was still a man even after, he downed his fourth shot hoping to lose his train of thought.

 

“You look like a girl that knows how to fix that for me though,” he said, with that Winchester charm that the ladies just couldn’t resist.

 

Lydia grinned wide, grabbing up her drink and winking at him, “Why don’t you follow me and find out then?”

 

Dean got up to do just that, but the thought that she was going to take him home with her had guilt swimming so high inside him that he felt he could have drowned from it. “I-” he started until she led him back to a corner booth. Then suddenly it was still mostly innocent and he could breathe again.

 

What the fuck was wrong with him? She was hot as fuck and she wanted him and...and the guy Cas married, whoever he was, it wasn’t him anyway.

 

* * *

 

Castiel came back into the living room, stopping in mid-step when he realized Dean wasn’t in the room anymore.

 

“Dean?” he called out.  There was no answer. Something nasty swirled in his stomach and out of instinct he checked the garage.  Baby wasn’t there. Castiel stumbled back into the living room to snatch up his phone that had gotten buried in the couch cushions.  First, he tried Dean’s cell phone but it went straight to voicemail.

 

“What the…” he groaned and decided to call Sam.  If Dean went anywhere, he was hoping it was to Sam’s apartment he was renting.

 

“Yo,” Sam said, bouncing his pen off the edge of his book. He’d switched as many of his courses as he could to online and the two that were still meant to be on campus, he’d sweet-talked his professors into letting a friend skype him in so he didn’t miss that much.

 

“Hey Sam, is Dean with you?” Castiel asked biting hard on his bottom lip.

 

Sam looked up at the clock, a little confused. “No? I haven’t seen him today...wasn’t he there when you got home?”

 

“Dammit...yes he was-he was home but...Sam.  We uh, we were getting intimate and now he’s gone,” Castiel stammered.

 

“Oh.”

 

Sam blinked a few times, biting back the eww notion that came with it, but Castiel sounded worried so he didn’t want to add anything onto that. “Sorry, Cas...I mean he’s not here, if he shows up I’ll send you a text though.”

 

“That’s it?  You’re not worried or anything?” Castiel asked, laughing a bit incredulously.

 

“I mean sure he’s got some gaps in his memory, but Dean is still a grown man, he’s probably freaking out or something but he’ll come to his senses and come hom-,”

 

There was a beep and Castiel quickly said goodbye to Sam before switching over, hoping it was Dean, “Hello?”

 

“Not Dean cutie, but your boy is here lookin awful comfy with a blonde bombshell...trouble in paradise?” Pam asked, almost feeling guilty for feeding Dean those shots but she was a businesswoman and he was a grown man. Still, she couldn’t let the man destroy his marriage, not for some tramp with a weird vibe coming off of her.

 

“Wait...what?” Castiel gasped, his stomach falling to where he wanted to throw up.  She couldn't be serious...they were just...they’d…

 

“I’ll be right there,” Castiel spat, hanging up the phone.  Rage, sorrow, and betrayal slammed into him but he refused to just sit there and weep.  He grabbed up his car keys and drove as carefully as he could manage to Pam’s bar. The place where they had their first date...where Dean had proposed to him.

 

Castiel hurried into the place and Pam merely pointed to where the booths sat lined up against the wall.  Sure enough, Dean was in one of them, with some... _bitch_ in his lap.  Other patrons were staring in shock, many of them they had called friends and they quickly moved out of the way as Castiel stormed over.

 

“You son of a bitch!” Castiel snarled.

 

Dean looked up and that guilt that had left him came flooding back quickly. He pushed Linda-Lydia whatever her name was off his lap and climbed to his feet, or at least he tried. That was the moment he realized that the liquor hit him a little harder than usual and he could barely walk.

 

Castiel glared at him, “What?  Are you not going to say anything?  Not even some...fucking half-assed apology for not only cheating on me with _her_ but here of all places!  And yes, I’m well aware you don’t remember BUT I DO!” Castiel shrieked, his breathing becoming erratic in his chest, “You know what, you could have had the fucking decency, to be honest with me and tell me you didn’t want me instead of leading me on then having some big gay freak out.  Fuck you, Dean,” he spat, turning on his heel to storm out of the bar.

 

Dean reached out, another fucking muscle memory, anything to keep Cas from leaving. “I don’t owe you a damn thing, man. You’re in love with the guy you married, NEWSFLASH, I’m not him,” he said. The words didn’t reflect what he felt happening inside him, he sounded angry and bitter and like-fuck, like his dad.

 

Castiel froze, his shoulders hunched up as pain seared through him.  His soul ripping to shreds.

 

“I’m beginning to believe that now.  If I had known this was going to happen...I’d have wished you’d died in that fucking accident,” he spat.  The room grew increasingly quiet, even the music had died out. The tension so thick it’d take a hacksaw to get through it.  He didn’t really mean what he had said but the words came out and he wanted them to hurt. But this version of Dean would never know how much pain Castiel was going through right then.

 

“Yeah well, I’m glad I fucking forgot you, seems like I just wasted half my life anyway,” Dean said, fear, anger, just so much pain raging inside him that he could barely stand up. “Maybe if I really loved you I’d fucking _want_ to remember.”

 

Castiel shook, his entire body trembling and before he knew he was striding over and slamming his fist into the side of Dean’s face.  Something he’d never felt before coated over him as he watched Dean slump back with a cry of pain, “Go fuck yourself you asshole,” he said through gritted teeth.  Pam or someone else he didn’t know who, was shouting but he couldn’t understand them. He just stared at the line of blood trailing from Dean’s nose. Somehow he forced himself to turn and run out of the bar this time.  He didn’t know where to go but he had to leave town.

 

The room went a bit hazy after he watched Cas turn his back on him and the room seemed to start to flicker in and out, small changes made between each picture. Then it all died away only a different scene playing out in front of him.

 

_Their friends and family were placed throughout Pam’s bar in random patterns, Dean didn’t want to give Cas any idea about what was going to happen. They’d been together for over a year, known one another for two but he’d let his dad’s voice cloud his damn mind for too long already. He wasn’t going to let a dead man stop him from making Cas the happiest man he could possibly be, in turn, it would do the same for him because that’s all he’d ever wanted._

 

_Sammy to be safe and Cas to be happy._

 

_“C’mon, I made sure Jo saved our booth,” Dean said with a small smile. She was one of the few people who had an actual reason to be there. Pam, Ash, and Ellen had become like family too and he was sure they were around somewhere._

 

_Castiel laughed a little, following Dean right to their booth.  He knew something was up but he couldn’t figure exactly what it was.  His fingers squeezed at Deans, both of them slipping into the seats, “Are you going to finally tell me what this is about Dean?” he asked moving in a bit closer to get a kiss that Dean easily gave._

 

_“You know sometimes, you’re too damn smart for your own good, sweetheart. Makes it really hard when a guy wants to surprise you or some shit,” Dean said, shaking his head in disbelief. He bit back a small laugh but continued. “What  if I was gonna propose to you right here or something, you’d have just ruined it.”_

 

_Castiel swallowed hard, his eyes drawing down a bit before looking back up at Dean shyly, “You know I’m horrible when it comes to secrets,” he said biting his bottom lip._

 

_“I know, Cas.” Dean said, slowly edging the ring out of his pocket. He knew this was about as unromantic as it could get but he also knew that Cas loved him and he loved Cas more than anything. He’d understood that Dean wasn’t exactly the type of person to hire a skywriter or do something cheesy at a fancy restaurant._

 

_“But I mean, I bought the ring and everything the least you could do was let me surprise you with it,” he said, sitting the open box down in front of his wide-eyed boyfriend._

 

_Castiel playfully rolled his eyes though when he caught sight of the box, the air got locked up in his lungs, “Dean...wait.  Are, are you serious?” he asked, fingers now clutching into the front of Dean’s t-shirt._

 

_“Open it and find out.”_

 

_“Dean…” Castiel swallowed past his nerves and got the box open, tears easily finding their way down his cheeks.  It was a gorgeous but simple silver band. He dragged his thumb over and gazed up at Dean, “I love you.”_

 

_“Cas… I might never be what you expected, I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend in the world, not with all my issues or whatever...but I promise, I promise if you’ll...if you’ll give me this, if it’s what you want, I’ll put everything I have into making it work, into making you happy.” Dean said, feeling his throat tighten and tears stinging at the corner of his eyes. Sammy was going to give him hell about that later but he didn't give a fuck. He just..he loved Cas more than anything, more than baby, more than booze, more than what his dad would think of him, just more._

 

_“Will you do it? Will you marry me, Cas?”_

 

_“Yes, yes I’ll marry you,” Castiel said, his voice breaking into a sob as he all but crawled into Dean’s lap, hugging him tightly.  There were a few catcalls but Castiel just laughed it off, leaning back enough for Dean to put the ring on him before he was kissing his now fiance._

 

“Dean, hey...lover boy, you still breathin or you need me to call the coroner,” Pam said, mostly teasing but the guy did look like hell. She’d only barely managed not to smack some sense into him.

 

Dean came to feel as if his head was going to explode but something even worse than that hollowing out his insides. “Fuck-fuck I gotta go -I- fuck, CAS!”

 

Lydia made some kind of grab for him but he pushed her off, “Look, I know this isn’t really your fault but don’t ever touch me again, I’m a married man and...and I’m going to go beg for forgiveness because I’ve been the biggest asshole in the world and I’ve lost one of the only people that have ever meant anything to me.”

 

“Dean you shouldn’t be driving like this…” Pam started, cutting herself off when he glanced over his shoulder with a guilty look.

 

“I’ll call someone to get me.. but I need to go, I’ll start walking if I have to,” he said, handing his keys over to her.

 

“Oh don’t do that eye thing, you know that gets me every single time, Bambi.” Pam said, shaking her head at the pathetic version of Dean in front of her before cocking her head to the side and calling out toward the bar. “Yo, Ash. I’m checking out early, close up for me.”

 

“Come on, let’s get you home before your husband does something drastic like leaves your sorry ass.”

* * *

 

Castiel had nearly smashed through the garage door when he pulled up to their house.  He couldn’t see, couldn’t even breathe through the pain. He was only here to grab what he needed then he would be gone.  No one would care if he just dropped off the planet anyway. They still had Dean, just a different...asshole version. He got out his duffel bag from the guest room closet and began shoving things into it.  All his other possessions he didn’t care about, they’d bring too much misery if he brought them with. He stopped in the kitchen though, the ring on his finger a heavyweight as he started to pull it off. On their year anniversary they’d had engravings done and now, he couldn’t bear to look at it as he set it heavily on the counter.

 

Outside he could hear a car pulling up but he ignored it, choosing to grab a few water bottles from the fridge to throw into his bag as well.

 

Dean rushed into the house even though he was still unsteady on his legs, but somehow he just knew, he _knew_ he had to get inside.

 

It felt as if something was slicing his chest open, long deep gashes that were causing him to bleed out right there. If it weren’t for his feet moving and his heart still pumping blood and adrenaline, he wouldn’t even be sure that he was still alive.  When he found Castiel standing in the kitchen, Dean lost the ability to breathe for two seconds. It was like seeing him for the first time again and hell, maybe it was exactly that.

 

“Cas...Cas please..I-I know there’s not enough-I know I can’t- but please...I _need_ you.”

 

Castiel shook his head, fingers gripping the last water bottle tight in his hands, “No you don’t.  You have Sam, Benny, Bobby...countless others who won’t make you feel disgusted with yourself,” he spat out, avoiding looking at Dean as he glanced around at the small house he’d called home for a little over a year.  He felt sick but he’d let that overwhelm him later, now though, now he just had to get out of there.

 

“I don't- I didn’t freak out because I was disgusted Cas..it’s because I wasn’t. Look, I-I know that I’m not him, not the guy you loved but I-I could be, one day...if you’ll let me. I’ll do better, I’ll be _better_. Whatever you want you just name it, but don’t leave me, Cas.”

 

There had been a moment inside that memory that it felt more like a dream than anything he could have experienced in reality. The way his palms were sweaty, but he still felt so goddamn comfortable, so reassured that no matter what, Cas would be his at the end of the day and every day after that.

 

Dean had never in his life felt that kind of love, or peace, or hope.

 

He would do anything to protect that, to protect the life that they had before he screwed it up.

 

Castiel sniffled, the threat of more tears and sobs were building and refused to do this in front of Dean, “What happens when you have another freakout?  Am I just supposed to sit back and watch you make out or even _fuck_ the next bitch that walks past you?” Castiel shouted, throwing the water bottle in his hands at the wall.  Both of them flinching when it exploded and water pelted out everywhere.

 

“You can push and push all you want but the only real way to get rid of me is by divorce,” Castiel spat finally looking at Dean.  That emotion he had felt at the bar surged again and he realized what it was...hatred, “Don’t worry though. I’ll be seeing a lawyer tomorrow to draw up papers, then I’ll be out of your life.”

 

The hollow empty feeling climbed higher and Dean started to panic. The memory that had resurfaced was so full of, of things he’d never fathomed, of feelings he never imagined he’d get and now he was going to lose _everything_ because he was a fucking idiot. He was an idiot and the only happiness he’d ever had was going to walk right out that door and leave him.

 

There was a glint of something on the counter and it caught Dean’s eye, immediately, he broke. A warped sound erupting from his throat as he felt himself choking on the truth of the moment. He reached out, instinctively, pulling the ring into his hand as the tears started flooding his cheeks.

 

Dean took a deep breath, he didn’t really know what to do but his instinct with Cas was honed in a good way, it was when he went against those same instincts, that he’d screwed everything up.

 

“Cas...I’m sorry, I’m so goddamn sorry, I-I know you deserve better, you deserve better than tonight, better than me really. I know I haven’t been the best husband lately but, but if you’ll give me another chance, I’ll-” Dean stopped, realizing he was practically quoting the memory he had from the bar.

 

He pushed the ring across the marble countertop, this time, no box, no warm smile and he looked up at his gorgeous husband and he asked, “Will you do it? Will you give me another chance? Maybe let me take you out, make you fall in love with me again, try to be the man that you thought you were getting?”

 

“Dean…” Castiel rubbed at his face, slumping to lean up against the counter.  The words were so eerily familiar and it took longer than he liked to admit that it had been almost the same thing Dean had said when he proposed.  He covered his face and finally broke down, “I-I never wanted you to be someone you weren’t. I don’t want you to t-try and be him if that’s not who you are anymore,” he said taking in a breath and letting it out slowly.  He took the ring and put it back in Dean’s palm, “I’m willing to give us a second chance but I need some time. I’m...I’m so angry with you and I’ve never had this feeling before. I need to...deal with that or I’m going to continue to let it stand between us.”

 

“Whatever you need, I just--no papers okay? No lawyers, no divorce...just one more chance, I just-I’ll just need this one, no more.” Dean said, swallowing hard around the emotions that were half choking him. He moved to the freezer needing something _anything_ to take his mind off what could very well happen at any moment.

 

He grabbed an ice pack, wrapped the dish towel hanging on the stove handle around it and moved toward Cas’ bruised knuckles.

 

“You can hit me again if you want but let me take care of this first, okay?”

 

Castiel watched as Dean tended to his knuckles, the pain radiating up his wrist not even registering until just now.  He reached out with a trembling hand to cup the side of Dean’s face, “I’m sorry I hit you, even though you deserved it,” he laughed softly.

 

“Don’t be...you’re right I did deserve it, and it, it gave me something precious,” he said, not wanting to elaborate. There was part of him that was terrified he’d never get the rest of those memories back and he didn’t want to give Cas any false hope.

 

Castiel wanted to ask what that was but by the look on Dean’s face, he let it go.  Once Dean was done Castiel straightened up, his hand going for his bag. There was a pained noise from behind him and he sighed, “I’m not...I promise no lawyers and no more talk of divorce but I still need to go,” he said, “Call me or text..whatever you want okay?  I won’t be too far.”

 

“Can I-” Dean asked, moving to grab the bag from Castiel’s hand. He didn’t want to watch the man go, it felt like there’d be nothing left of him but an empty shell if it happened, but if that’s what Cas needed after everything he’d put him through, it would be the least he could do to try to make up for it all.

 

They made it to the garage, Dean’s chest tight with emotion, a  few stray tears still frozen on his cheek. He popped the bag in the back seat even though it was fighting every instinct he had. He refused to let Cas leave without at least one more try. He held his arms open feeling a little awkward until his beautiful husband shuffled into his embrace.

 

When a significant amount of time had passed, Dean was still holding on and Cas didn’t seem eager to move away. ‘I’m so sorry, Castiel. I-I know that I love you, even if I don’t remember it and I-I just want you to be happy. If you have to fly away to do that, it’s fine but come back to me, bee, okay?”

 

Castiel gasped, his body stiffening, “What...what did you just call me?” he asked pulling back to gaze into Dean’s face.  It was the one thing that Dean always had in his arsenal that could end a fight in mid screaming match. Castiel never understood why it had that effect on him but it did.  Then again, to turn Dean into a pile of mush all Castiel had to do was call him baby or even worse...bug.

 

“I-uh,” Dean said it without thinking, he wasn’t even sure if he could remember what it was. He thought so hard about it that he was half sure his head would explode. He grabbed at his head, feeling his legs go out from him a bit, then he was on his knees on the floor, pounding pings of pain echoing through his brain.

 

“Dean?!  Oh my God, Dean, what’s happening?” Castiel cried, following Dean onto the ground.  He tried cupping Dean’s face but the man was curling into himself, groaning out in pain, “Baby, c’mon please tell me what’s going on...baby please,” Castiel sobbed, frantically reaching into his back pocket for his phone to call for an ambulance.

 

_Baby_

 

_“Don’t do that, don’t act like you don’t know that he wants you. I can see it written all over his smarmy British face. You can say you’re friends, say you don’t feel that way sure, but don’t act like I’m making this shit up like I’m some kinda crazy jealous asshole,” Dean said, eerily calm over the mess of a dinner he’d tried to make. He should have known better than to cook when he was angry._

 

_Castiel rolled his eyes, the migraine behind his eyes pulsing so badly he wanted to throw up, “Crowley is just a friend Dean!  Someone who I haven’t seen in a really long time. And I don’t care if he does have some weird crush on me unless it’s me you don’t trust!  Is that it? You don’t trust me?” Castiel growled out, throwing his burnt food into the wastebasket. He had tried to swallow it down for the sake of Dean’s ego but after they started fighting, he couldn’t stomach even real food._

 

_“Oh you know that’s not fair… don’t make this about you. It was never about you, it’s him, it’s him and his money and his fancy cars and his stupid smug accent that says I’m better than you Winchester, bullshit.” Dean said, feeling a little of the fight leaving him. He’d basically just cut himself open with the last bit, should probably keep his mouth shut before he just starts babbling on about his insecurities._

 

_Castiel froze, the plate in his hands breaking in the sink as he dropped it.  He turned on his heel and was in front of Dean in a second, “He is not better than you in any shape or form.  Do you hear me? He could promise me the fucking world and I would still want you. I love you baby, nothing, and no one will ever change that,” Castiel said firmly, his hands lifting Dean’s face so they could lock eyes._

 

_“You sure? I mean he does have a lot of money,” Dean said, only feeling a little angry now, more of him was concentrated on those damn blue eyes that brought him out of it all anytime they looked his way._

 

_“At least think about it. We could pay off the house Bee,” Dean teased, knowing Castiel wouldn’t take him seriously._

 

_Castiel barked out a laugh, “Totally not worth it.  Unless you wanna have a go?” he teased right back, the irritation and migraine slowly melting away.  He hugged Dean, his face going right to his favorite spot against his neck and taking in a deep breath, “I love you so much Bug.”_

 

_“I love you too-”_

 

“Clear!” Vic said, making sure nothing would interfere when he pressed the paddles to Dean’s naked chest. “C’mon buddy, don’t you die on me.”

 

“Clear!” he said again, letting out a long sigh of relief when Dean’s heart started all over again and he was breathing, coughing, but still breathing. “Shit man, you scared me half to death.”

 

“C-cas, Cas- B-bee,” Dean mumbled.

 

“Cas is right behind us, wasn’t room in here for him with the paddles, but he’ll meet us at the hospital and I think Benny is working tonight but I’ll shoot him a text once I get you stabilized, if you promise not to die on me in the meantime,” Vic said, shaking his head as he made sure the IV drip was set up properly and double checked Dean’s vitals.

 

Castiel was a mess.  Dean had stopped breathing just shy of a minute before Victor pulled up in his ambulance.  Now he was following said ambulance, praying to whatever God there was to not take his husband away from him.

 

_“If I had known this was going to happen I’d have wished you died in that fucking accident.”_

 

Why did he have to choose the worst possible thing to say?  Castiel sobbed helplessly, his hands gripping the steering wheel, “Please...please...I’ll do whatever it takes just don’t take him away from me,” Castiel whined, slamming on his breaks.  He didn’t know how he made it but they were at the hospital and he was scrambling out of his car to claw at the doors of the ambulance, “Vic! Please, tell me he’s okay!” Castiel shouted, finally getting one of the doors opened.

 

“He’s stable, Castiel but you’re gonna have to get out of the way so we can get him to Dr. Tran,” Vic said, shaking his head as he popped the rails up on the stretcher while the new girl came around from the driver’s seat to help.

 

“Cas-C-Cas-” Dean said, his heart pounding so loudly he thought he could hear it in his brain waves.

 

“I’m here, baby I’m here,” Castiel said, moving out of the way but followed closely as they all ran inside.  Sam and Benny were already there but Castiel barely paid them any attention. A couple nurses held him back from going into the surgical ward.  He wanted to throttle them, “Dean! You’re gonna be okay!” Castiel shouted, his entire body shaking with tremors as the doors closed.

 

“Cas...I’m so sorry, I should have taken you seriously when you were worried, what happened?” Sam asked, feeling the repetitive stab of guilt in his stomach that he’d put it off thinking everything was fine only for Dean to be rushed to the ER in an ambulance just over an hour later.

 

“I-I…” Castiel covered his mouth and slumped down in a chair, “I don’t know...Sam,” Castiel swallowed hard, fingers pulling at his hair a bit.  There was a heavy arm around his shoulders and he let his head fall onto Benny’s shoulder.

 

“He’s gonna be fine cher, Dean’s a tough son of a bitch,” Benny said softly.  

 

“We fought...I-I caught him with someone else and we fought.  I said possibly the worst thing I could have ever said and...now he’s here, in the hospital.  H-he called me Bee!” Castiel cried, knowing full well he wasn’t making any damn sense.

 

Benny shared a look with Sam.  Dean had cheated on Castiel? But then called him Bee?  Only a few even knew about that nickname, that few being him and Sam.

 

“Wait he-he cheated on you?” Sam said, half stunned into silence by the mere notion of it but the words still managed to make their way out. Dean wasn’t a cheater, his brother, even at his worst, had never been a cheater.

 

What the hell had happened to him?

 

Castiel nodded, rocking back and forth a bit, “I punched him, told him I thought it’d be better if...if he had died,” he moaned, sobbing into his hands, “I-I don’t know what happened but he came home...we were going to try and give this another chance but...he started having a seizure.”

 

“Hey, whatever my idiot brother did Cas, this isn’t your fault..you’ve put up with his shit for a long time now. He knows you didn’t mean it...that you’d never mean that, even if he’s not the version of himself that you’re used to,” Sam said, pulling Cas in for an awkward side hug. Stupid hospital chairs. “It’s gonna be fine, Benny’s right, Dean’s too stubborn to die, okay? He’ll be fine.”

 

Castiel didn’t say anything, just kept rocking a bit.  It took what felt like forever, just sitting there and replaying the last few hours over and over in his head.  It couldn’t end like this...the world wasn’t that cruel. It was bad enough his husband went through that horrible accident and lost himself after only a year of being married and now this?  It wasn’t fair.

 

He didn’t remember falling asleep but someone was gently shaking him awake, “Bug?” he groaned, prying his crusted over eyes open.

 

“Here, drink this...one of the nurses just dropped by and said Dr. Tran was on his way out,” Sam said offering a small cup of coffee to his brother in law. Poor guy had practically cried himself to sleep right there in the waiting room. It tore him up to see Castiel like that, Dean would have rather walked over hot coals barefoot than to watch it. “I didn’t think you’d eat anything, but you should at least have the caffeine.

 

“Th-Thank you,” Castiel mumbled, sitting up and drinking down the coffee.  It tasted stale and horrible but he guzzled it down anyway. He was just taking the last sip when he spotting the doctor making his way towards them.  He tried to stand up but his feet were all pins and needles. Thankfully Benny was there to keep him steady.

 

“First off, Dean is fine… he’s got a bit of a headache and he’ll have a small scar from where we had to drain some of the fluid out but overall he’s good. There might be some lingering damage from the trauma on his brain but it seems that most of his memories are intact again-” Kevin said, and Castiel seemed to almost collapse.

 

“Cas?” Sam said, reaching out to catch him almost immediately.

 

“I...I need to sit down,” Castiel slumped back down into the chair and put his head on his knees.  His memories were back? Was that what happened?

 

“When can I see him?” Castiel asked, his voice muffled against his jeans but he was sure at least one of the three men heard him.

 

Down the hall, Sam heard beeps and buzzers going off like crazy. Nurses were running in and -

 

“Let me out of here, I gotta find Cas, Dammit!”

 

Castiel’s head popped up when he heard Dean’s voice.  His mouth dropped open when the man came crashing through the doors like some kind of madman, his gown nearly falling off his arms, “Dean!” Castiel cried mostly out of happiness that his husband was awake but also he was a little scared that he shouldn’t be walking around right now.  He got up and ran over, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders, “Oh thank God you’re okay.”

 

“Cas, Cas fuck, I’m so sorry...God, I’m so sorry, please… please don’t leave me, okay?  I-I’ll do the dishes for- forever, I’ll stop leaving my tools lying around in the garage, I know you hate that... Just don’t leave, please.” Dean’s voice broke, when he came back it was with memories that split him apart and he would never forgive himself for what he’d put Cas through, but if he had to, he’d beg and plead for another chance until his hands and knees bled.

 

“Shhh, it’s okay.  Dean, it’s okay,” Castiel cooed, turning his head to kiss Dean’s neck, “I’m sorry too baby,” he sniffled, a sob tearing out of his throat when Dean squeezed him.  It felt so good having those arms around him again, holding him like he used to.

 

“No, no don't… you, you don’t have to be sorry, I’m the one that-” Dean hiccuped around a sob but he noticed that Benny was pushing them both back into his room. He didn’t want to let go, he’d hold onto Cas forever if it meant that he wouldn’t leave.

 

Castiel silently thanked Benny for getting them back into the room and closed the door.  He could hear the doctor and Benny arguing but Castiel knew the bear of a man was turning into bodyguard mode.  Castiel gently got Dean to lay back down but quickly crawled into the bed as well.

 

“No, I have reasons to be sorry as well Dean.  No, shush, let me talk,” he said putting a finger over Dean’s mouth, “I should have never said that to you.  I was hurt and being incredibly selfish. I was so happy and eager that you were finally responding and giving me the attention I was craving that I didn’t even realize how uncomfortable you were,” Castiel said leaning in to kiss Dean’s forehead and then his eyes before wiping at the tears.

 

“I love you so much and I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“Hey, that’s- that’s not on you either… I knew you didn’t mean it. ‘Sides, it’s not like what I said was much better,” Dean answered, looking up at the man he loved so much his heart felt like it would explode whenever he was in the same room. “I forgive you, I forgive you for everything that you’ve ever said, thought, done, that you don’t think I’d have approved of or that would have hurt me. Because I fucking love you Bee, I love you so damn much. I never _ever_ want to lose you like that again.”

 

Castiel pressed his face against Dean’s chest and cried softly.  He was so exhausted but didn’t want to sleep, what if he woke up and Dean was gone?  Or worse, didn’t haven’t his memories again?

 

“I forgive you too Bug, for everything,” he whispered sitting up enough to press their lips together.

 

He wrapped tighter around his husband, savoring the feel of their bodies lined together once again, just as it should be.  It was a warm comfort and safety and home. It was happiness, hope, and love.

 

It was _everything._

* * *

 

Dean moved the picture frame for the tenth time in the last hour, but he couldn’t decide if it would be better to hang it on the wall or to leave it on the small nightstand beside the bed. He wanted everything to be _perfect_.

 

He couldn’t believe that it was really happening, he’d put in some extra hours and that dick Zachariah finally got put in his place, so Cas started moving up the ladder quickly. Which meant they had enough set aside to build on like they’d always planned. Six months after that, they had another bedroom, bathroom, and a library.

 

It had been a group effort for sure, there was rarely a weekend when their house wasn’t overrun by friends or family offering a hand whenever they had a minute to spare and Dean loved every damn one of them for doing it.

 

He’d just took the picture off the wall again when he heard a small chuckle from the doorway, “Don't laugh at me, jerk...I think maybe it looks better over there.”

 

Sam snickered, “Cas’ll be home soon so you might wanna pick out that perfect spot soon brother,” he said moving closer into the room.  It was absolutely gorgeous in here and he felt a swell a pride that he had a hand in it. Castiel had no idea that he and Dean had spent from the moment he left for work until now to get it finished.  All of Castiel’s favorite books lined up on a dark cherry wood bookcase, the finish was beautiful and smooth to the touch. How Dean found it Sam had no idea but he knew his brother in law would be speechless.

 

Dean propped the photo up on the shelf and dusted it with his shirt sleeve, just to be sure, before finally leaving it in place. Sam pull me out of here before I move it again,” Dean teased, turning around forcing himself to look away. Wherever it was, Cas would love it.

 

“You sticking around for dinner? he asked. Dean was grateful to have Sammy back for the whole summer but he thought maybe it might be a good idea for the guy to hightail it out of there once Cas saw his library because Dean was pretty damn sure there would be one hell of a thank you in it for him.

 

Sam chuckled, “And be forced to watch you two try to keep your hands off each other all night?  Yeah no. We can go out tomorrow night or something,” Sam said.

 

“Sure, sounds good, Sammy. See ya tomorrow,” Dean agreed, pushing himself to start on dinner anyway. If nothing else, it might keep him busy enough that he wouldn’t go back in there and mess with things. He’d been busy most of the day so he just threw some sandwiches onto the griddle and grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry. He loved cooking but Cas would be home in a few minutes and he was really hoping to grab a quick shower before he came in the door.

 

When he got them off the grill, he wrapped them in aluminum foil to keep them warm and then rushed upstairs for the shower.

 

Castiel entered the house with a soft dippy smile on his face.  Things were better, especially at work. He was now in a position to actually fire the asshat Adler and he had done so first thing that morning.  God he couldn’t wait to tell Dean. He dropped his keys in the dish near the door and took in a deep breath. Their house smelled amazing on a normal day but lately, since the renovations started there was an extra fresh woodcut scent that had him humming.  

 

“Dean?” He called out, stopping in mid-step when he saw his husband coming down the stairs in just his jeans with the button undone and drying his hair with a towel.

 

“Oh...now that’s something I wouldn’t mind coming home to all the time,” Castiel groaned.

 

“Anytime you want, sweetheart.” Dean leaned in for a kiss and took it a little further than normal, but Cas looked extra hot today, who could blame him? “How was work?”

 

“Fucking fantastic,” Castiel smirked, wrapping his arms around Dean’s shoulders to press up against his husbands all too tempting body, “I fired Adler,” he grinned.

 

“Mmm, that’s what it is…” Dean said, rubbing his hands everywhere he could reach on Cas’ body. It was hard for him not to just grab Cas and pull him into the library, or the other rooms for that matter, but he wanted to wait. It didn’t hurt that his stomach was growling either.

 

 _Food first_.

 

“I thought there was something different about you when you walked in, you’re on a power trip, I like it.”

 

“Mmhmm, if you’re good I’ll show you just how good I’m feeling right now,” he grinned wolfishly and nipped at Dean’s jaw before going around him into the kitchen, “Have I told you how much I fucking love you?” Castiel said groaning at the smell of whatever the hell Dean had made.  He saw the tinfoil wrapped items and grabbed both up to put on plates.

 

“Maybe a little this morning, and a lot last night,” Dean smirked, “I think at one point you were _actually_ calling me a God, in the _literal_ sense.” He chuckled along with Cas but took two cold bottles of beer out of the fridge and made sure to grab some chips and salsa too.

 

“Well what can I say, when you rock my world that good it pays to feed your ego,” Castiel teased almost sitting down at the table but changed his mind, moving to sit out on their back patio.  The backyard had been redone as well as most of the house. Now he had a small garden and Dean had his huge hot tub and an entire section devoted to just his grilling. Which of course, Castiel didn’t mind at all.

 

“And I love you for it,” Dean answered, biting into his sandwich.

 

“Ungh,” he groaned, the taste of melted mozzarella never failed to bring a smile to his face. “This is amazing.”

 

They ate, mostly in quiet though Dean did prod Cas for the story of how firing ol’ ZackyBoy went.

 

“I think I made him cry,” Castiel snorted, licking a bit of cheese that had stuck to his chin, “He thought I was calling him in to praise his work or whatever.  I told him that his inability to work with the rest of the team in a nonhostile way had lead me to terminate him,” Castiel grinned, “As soon as he left Anna brought out a freaking tray of cupcakes with thank you written on them.”

 

“I knew I liked that girl, she and Charlie hook up yet or are we still waiting on that?” Dean asked, he wasn’t normally into gossip but Cas’ colleagues were like the cast of Dr. Sexy half the time and he couldn’t help but get a little drawn in.

 

Castiel rolled his eyes, “They are the worst.  Anna feels she’d be too boring for a girl like Charlie and Charlie doesn’t know what an office dweller would want a tech nerd.  I swear I’m gonna just duct tape them together or something,” Castiel groaned finishing off his sandwich with some sadness. There was never enough.  He finished off his beer and sat back with a sigh, “I’m sure one of them will eventually get their head out of their ass and make a move,” he said.

 

“My money’s on Anna, Charlie’s normally smooth and charming, but you stick her in a room with Anna and the poor girl turns into a shy, awkward, weirdo...not that I don’t love that about her too,” Dean said, taking their plates to the dishwasher.

 

“Speaking of shy, awkward, weirdos,” Dean teased, “How about you come with me and I’m gonna show you something awesome.”

 

Castiel eyed him a bit before taking his hand, “Mmmkay, am I going to actually like this surprise this time?” he asked moving closer so he could pinch Dean’s ass.

 

“You love my surprises, granted it’s usually just my dick, but it’s still true…” Dean said with a loud chuckle. “Just close your eyes and trust me.”

 

He led Cas down the hall, first to the library, he was hoping maybe if he distracted him with all the leather, the books, the smell of cherry wood, that he’d forget that there were two more rooms just off to the side.

 

Once they got past the door, Dean clicked on the light and grinned. “Now open.”

 

Castiel’s breath got caught somewhere in his ribs as he took in the new library.  When he had left this morning it was almost finished but now it looked complete. They still had some work on filling the empty shelves but the room itself was glorious, “Dean...this is amazing!  I can’t believe you finished this while I was at work!” Castiel cried jumping on his husband and kissing him all over his face.

 

“I thought you might like it, I have a place over there on the wall for that frame if you don’t like it there…” Dean said, starting to actually get nervous. What if he picked the wrong color, what if Cas wanted to pick out all the stuff himself, what if… Dean shook himself out of his thoughts and he knew that if it was what Cas wanted he’d start all over again from scratch.

 

No reason to be nervous, it’s just a bedroom.

 

And a bathroom.

 

“I uh,” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck. “I got something else too.”

 

“Oooh what else?’ Castiel asked jumping on his toes a little.

 

“C’mon,” Dean said, leading him out of the room and across the hall. This time, staying outside the door. “Go on in.”

 

Castiel stared at him but shrugged even though his nerves were skyrocketing.  This room had been off limits to him. Dean’s special project. He pushed open the door and if the library had been amazing...this room left him completely speechless.  It was a nursery. A bumblebee themed nursery. Tears were instantly filling his eyes as he took in the cream painted walls, the dark wood furniture, the bumblebee quilt that hung across the railing of the crib.  Everything was absolutely perfect.

 

“Dean...I-I can’t even…” Castiel stammered, laughing a little and quickly rushing over to his husband to hug him, “This is beautiful, thank you,” he said.

 

“You really like it? We can change something if you want..” he started but Cas just pulled him into a long, rough kiss against his mouth. When they broke apart Dean was smiling as big as he ever had and he felt as if everything was finally falling into place.

 

“Check out the bathroom, and the closet..”

 

“Dean, you got those finished too?” He asked going over to open the double doors of the new closet attached to the nursery.  It was spacious and made him a tad envious that their baby was going to have such an awesome closet growing up. He quickly bounded out of the nursery even though he really didn’t want to leave it.  He went to the new bathroom and bit his lip. It was gorgeous as well that went along with his theme of cream-colored walls and dark accents. The bumblebee shower curtain seemed to tie everything in and only make him grin even wider.

 

“This is amazing baby, you finished all of it.  Our house feels so much more like a home now,” he said softly.

 

“Well technically, I finished the nursery yesterday, I did the library today, so that I would have something to distract you from the surprise of the nursery…” Dean said, feeling a little heat on his cheeks. “You’re not an easy man to surprise, you know that?”

 

“I know.  I was good, I kept out of the nursery though I was very tempted to peek.  I’m glad I didn’t. It’s truly perfect Dean, it’s everything I could have ever wanted,” he said going over to Dean and wrapping his arms around him again.

 

“I’m glad you like it, Bee. I might also have something else..” Dean said, pressing a quick peck to Castiel’s lips. “It’s nothing major but I made an appointment for us to go to the adoption center next week.”

 

There was a soft silence, Dean knew that Cas wanted a baby-baby, he did too, but they had the guest room as well and Sammy had his own place now so they didn’t have many guests, and he just...there were so many kids out there that needed parents and they might not look like adorable little-wrinkled balls of skin but he wanted one just as badly. “Look, I know we’ve discussed this and I’m good with a baby, I am, but I thought we could maybe _also_ just go and take a look at the place, we wouldn’t have to decide anything right away.”

 

Castiel didn’t know what to say.  His husband had gone way out and beyond for him, there were no words to express how much it all meant to him.  So instead he gazed up into Dean’s face as the tears began to fall and leaned up to kiss him softly, the intensity of their kiss growing slowly like a burning ember.

 

When they finally pulled away to breathe his back was pressed against the wall with his fingers threaded into Dean’s hair, “I love you so much,” he gasped, pressing their foreheads together.

 

Dean was a little relieved by the kiss, though he did still have to wonder. It had been a decision they’d been back and forth on for a long time, and they’d finally made up their mind. They wanted to start from the beginning, to be there for the 3 am feedings and diaper changes and all of it. But he couldn’t help but picture himself and Sam and where they’d have ended up if not for Uncle Bobby. “Is...is that okay? That I looked into it even after we decided on a small baby?”

 

“Of course that’s okay.  I want whatever you want Dean, as long as we can have one.  Hell, we can get as many as you want and then still talk about doing a surrogate later so the nursery doesn’t go to waste,” Castiel laughed cupping the sides of Dean’s face, giving him a knowing smile, “I love that you want to try and get an older one.”

 

“I’d just bring the whole place home if you let me though,” Dean said with a small, shy smile. He felt incredibly vulnerable when they talked about kids and starting a family together. He still wasn’t overly confident that he’d be a good dad but he wanted to try and he knew with Cas around to keep him in line, that their kids would have a fighting chance at least. Not to mention all their friends who were eager/begging to be made into aunts and uncles.

 

“I know and I would let you if we had a much bigger house and double our salaries,” Castiel giggled, kissing at the tip of Dean’s nose, “You’re gonna be a great dad and I’m so excited to see it for myself baby.”

 

“Okay, that’s it as far as surprises go.” he said, pulling Cas in again for another short, sweet kiss. For what felt like the millionth time, his heart clenched in his chest at just how happy he was, how wonderful his life was, and how close he’d been to losing it all.

 

Still, he had plenty to smile about.

 

“Wanna head upstairs and go crazy on each other while we still can?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows drawing a beautiful laugh out of his husband.

 

“Oh...I don’t know, I am pretty tired,” Castiel teased with a yawn before slapping his husband’s ass and tearing out of the room towards their bedroom.

 

* * *

 


End file.
